The past can be a scary thing. Mine is full of dar...

The past can be a scary thing. Mine is full of dark memories, both of awful things I did and horrendous things that were done to me.

It’s natural to feel some shame and regret as you look back. But getting stuck there will hurt you.

When I first started to come to terms with childhood sexual abuse, I felt I would never be able to tell anyone. I imagined that what happened to me was my fault, and the acts of the abuser would forever taint me.

Through therapy and hard work, I learned to let go of my terrible past. Those events didn’t define me, and I couldn’t change them. Focusing on shame was keeping me stuck in the past.

This important life lesson helps me cope with my mental illness. You can choose to look at your illness and the mistakes you’ve made with shame, or you can choose to look at the ways you’ve changed. You can choose to focus on the improvements you’ve made.

Anthony Gucciardi said, “The butterfly does not look back at the caterpillar in shame, just as you should not look back at your past in shame. Your past was part of your own transformation.”

You’re not a caterpillar anymore, but being one is part of your story. The events and actions that brought you to today helped create who you are, so accept them and move forward.

The butterfly didn’t choose to be a caterpillar, but once transformed, it will never go back. No butterfly is hanging from a flower, flush with tears, mourning the leaves they ate as a caterpillar. No, instead, it flies gracefully, spreading pollen and life from bloom to blossom.

Your past is your origin story, and most origin stories are messy. Mine certainly is. What matters is who you are today and what you will do tomorrow.

You’re not a caterpillar anymore, so spread your wings and fly.

Until next time, keep fighting.
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