Can you relate? I wake up and can’t get out of b...

Can you relate? I wake up and can’t get out of bed. I feel like a pink hippo is laying across me. All I want to do is sleep, but I force myself to get up. Many mornings feel like an impossible battle to get going.

Bipolar disorder has been a part of my life since 1995. Some days are good, but many are bad. There’s rarely an in-between.

Every day is a roller coaster ride, and sometimes, the roller coaster is on fire. You never know when the ride will end, but the worst of it always does.

The good days are when I have energy. Not full on mania, but the times where I feel capable of being a productive member of society.

Pushing myself too hard can trigger a manic episode, and then I’m unstoppable. Nothing is impossible. I’m filled with a rush of inspired ideas, and I can’t sit still. I feel like I could take on Superman and the Incredible Hulk at the same time.

But mania always come with a price.

Then there are the depressed days. I feel like I can’t move and getting dressed is too hard. I want to give up and curl into a ball until I shrivel into a lifeless man prune. There’s no getting out of bed, showering, or putting on clothes. I may not even eat.

Bipolar disorder is unpredictable, and that’s one of the hardest things about it. You never know when a good day will turn into a bad day, or how long a bad day will last. It’s always a guessing game, and it’s exhausting.

I refuse to give up. I’m fighting my mental illness every day, even on the days when it’s trying to crush the life out of me. Bipolar disorder is a part of who I am, but it doesn’t define me. This is my story and I’m choosing to write the next chapters.

(This is an excerpt from a post on http://ed.gr/d53em. Visit the blog to read more.)

Until next time, keep fighting.

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Learn to banish your negative thinking with the Speaking Bipolar Positivity Club. Weekday lessons to keep you positive while fighting mental illness. Join today. http://ed.gr/d53el

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